In 2019, more than one out of every five adults in the United States faced mental illness. This means that the chances are high that you or someone in your friend group may struggle with mental illness at some point. As a friend, you can have a significant impact on the lives and well-being of others around you.
It can feel scary and overwhelming to find out that your friends are struggling with mental health. While it’s great that you’re taking this seriously, you’re totally capable of supporting your friends through their challenges. This article will help you understand what to look for, how to help when you spot signs of mental health challenges, and when it’s time to escalate and get help.
What are warning signs that my friends may need help?
Mental wellness issues present themselves differently in everyone. In fact, some individuals may function completely “normally” most of the time and only present symptoms when they’re struggling. As a friend, you’re likely to notice some of the smaller changes in someone’s day-to-day life. A few signs to watch out for include:
- Withdrawing from friends and family
- No longer enjoying hobbies or activities
- Avoiding social situations
- Irregular sleep patterns
- Significantly increased or reduced appetite
- Commonly being irritable with no clear cause
- Increased drug or alcohol use
- Repetitive comments about not wanting to go on
When you notice these in your friends, it’s best not to be accusatory. Instead, start a friendly conversation where they can share their experiences and emotions. It’s important not to pressure them into sharing more than they’d like to and instead let them lead the conversation.
Provide a judgment-free space to share
It’s important to have a healthy support network you can turn to when you’re facing a challenge in life. Just as you should be able to rely on your friends, they should be able to rely on you. Make it clear that you’re open to discussing personal matters anytime your friends need to chat.
When your friends come to you, set aside time so you can provide your full attention without any distractions. This may mean saying something like, “I can see you’re going through something very difficult right now and I would like to discuss it further to understand how I can help. I’m at work right now and would like to give you my full attention. Could we chat more this evening?”
Avoid judging your friends. You shouldn’t attempt to diagnose their feelings, nor should you express doubts regarding what they’re going through. Instead, listen with an open mind and ask questions to understand further. Repeat and restate what they’ve shared so you can confirm you understand.
Keep in mind these guiding principles when supporting your friends:
- Understand you are not an expert but a sounding board for your friend dealing with mental health challenges.
- Always reassure your friends that you are there for them
- Let them drive the conversation
- Don’t interrupt or talk over your friend
- Ask if your friend wants advice or someone to vent to before trying to respond
Be supportive and present
Whenever possible, reassure your friends that you care about them and their feelings are valid. Sometimes, it can make a world of difference just to have your feelings validated. Saying that you understand where they are coming from and can empathize with their emotions can be incredibly helpful.
Instead of assuming what your friends need, ask what would be most helpful at the moment, and listen. Be receptive to what they need and do your best (within reason) to be supportive.
Find out if they’re seeing a professional and help connect them to someone who can help if they aren’t yet. Sometimes, people just need a reminder that help is available or someone willing to take them to appointments.
If you come across trusted, helpful resources, or have resources that have helped you, consider sharing them with your friends. Be sure to frame it in a supportive way, highlighting the value it could provide without forcing them to read or participate in anything they may not want to.
Maintain appropriate boundaries
Sometimes, despite the best of intentions, you may cross boundaries with your friends. While you may feel like you’re helping by asking specific questions or offering tactical advice, these actions can be perceived differently by your friends.
Be receptive to when a friend pushes back or establishes a boundary. Don’t try crossing it or pushing them further. Instead, give them space and make it known you’re happy to chat further if they change their mind in the future.
Know when to escalate
If your friend is discussing harming themself or others, suicide, or other dangerous activities, it’s time to contact a professional to get help. Explain to your friend why you’re contacting additional resources. Make it clear that you’re not trying to betray their trust nor do you no longer wish to help. Instead, you want to help keep them safe.
Depending on the situation, consider:
- Calling the suicide prevention line
- Sharing the Lifeline Chat tool
- Reaching out to their parents or someone they live with (if you feel you can trust them to help)
Work through your struggles
On an airplane, you’re told to put your mask on before helping others. The same is true in life. Being a supportive friend is easiest (and you can have the most impact) when you’re in a good place. Make efforts to work on any challenges you’re facing and make strides toward becoming the person you want to be.
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